Lessons in Motherhood

Today was Hailey’s 100th day of school. In honor of the occasion, I believe that they counted to 100 by 5s and 10s. Then, they ate a ton of treats which they counted out into sets of 10.

I don’t know how anyone is a kindergarten teacher. I really don’t understand why we don’t pay teachers $500,000 a year to put up with 23 kids in a room. I just can’t think of anything more difficult. Oh the stories that Hailey comes home with – fart jokes, giant messes, bee stings, glued fingers, etc. And, that’s just the stuff that I hear about! All in all it’s just exhausting.

So, here’s the all of the teachers out there. Congrats for making it through 100 days. In honor of your accomplishment, here’s a fun movie of the girls dancing…

Yesterday morning I woke up with a spark…it was time to get rid of the binkies. No day like today. Just do it. [Insert other cliche's here] Of course, a few hours later when it was time to begin the nap time process, I lost my nerve.

Today, however, was a new day. It was a day filled with all the promise of a binky-free future. So, before the football games started, we grabbed an envelope, filled it with all of the binkies, and put it in the mailbox.

Then, we piled in the car and headed to Toys R Us where Sophia was allowed to choose any toy (excluding battery powered cars which I claimed were classified as vehicles, not toys). Luckily, that distinction worked or the Binky Fairy would be broke right now.

I actually wish that I had taken some video in Toy R Us because it was really quite hysterical. Unfortunately, I don’t really know how to explain it. If you’re ever trapped in a toy store with a two-year-old, you’ll find out what I mean. Let’s just say that there was a point where she was just running around the store like a complete lunatic.

About halfway through the store, I finally came up with a system whereby she could carry around one toy until she found something she liked better. The last toy she ended up with would be the one she got. That was the best system I could come up with, so feel free to use it if you ever make the unwise mistake of offering to buy your kids “anything” at the store.

Anyway, she traded through several quiet and peaceful toys – Cars figures, cooking utensils, Toy Story characters – before she finally settled on musical instruments. What??!? Seriously?!?! Yeah, she’s going to make us pay big time for losing the binkies. And so we spent the day listening to all types of variations of Baby Baby Oh played on a plastic drum, a tone-deaf trumpet, and a guitar with four untuned strings.

She actually napped fine without her binky. Now, she’s been in bed for about 30 minutes without a peep. Everyone keep your fingers crossed that she doesn’t come marching downstairs at 2am.

For those of you who do not keep up with our birthday schedule, Hailey’s birthday is at the end of July. Regardless, she is doing some very serious party planning. In fact, almost every day she comes up with something new about her birthday. We are not talking about just ideas here, she’s actually making things – party favors, signs, random pictures, etc.

We actually have a homemade birthday cake sign hanging from our second floor balcony for her party (in 6 months). She also wanted to hang some signs from the mailbox, but I had to veto that. Of course, I say all of this, and I’ve already forgotten the theme for the party. Wait, now I remember…it’s a Rapunzel party (of course). I don’t know how I could have forgotten that since she also asked me if she could get a Rapunzel wig for her party the last time we went to the store (which I also vetoed because I’m the meanest Mom and the party is not for 6 months…did I mention that part??!?!?).

I complain about this, but you know I’m just a little bit of a planner too. So, it’s hard for me to judge in the case. I mean really, can you just imagine when this kid learns how to make spreadsheets? She’s going to have the whole party organized by the end of August the year before. That’s my good little planner!

This morning I unthinkingly went the wrong way to Hailey’s school. This is the conversation that ensued…

Sophia: What happened, Mommy?

Me: Mommy wasn’t thinking and turned the wrong way.

Hailey: You must feel, not think.

Do you think that she watches too much Star Wars?

It’s been so great having Grandma here this past week. With Luke gone and my work being crazy, I don’t know what we would have done without her. As Grandpa said today, “She’s the hardest working Grandma in the world.” Amen.

Anyway, for our last dinner together, she got the girls bathed and in their PJs. Then the three of them made breakfast for dinner (brinner) together. We all sat in our jammies and ate some bacon, eggs, pancakes, home fries, and biscuits. Delicious!

We were also joined by two of the girls stuffed animals who got a special invitation after there were too many place settings at the table. Seemed appropriate for brinner after all.

We also decided to let Fifi butter her own bread. That may have been a mistake given how much butter she decided to use (see below). Between her chronic butter eating and Hailey’s bacon obsession, they’ll both have clogged arteries by the age of seven.

Hailey has a loose tooth. Well, let me be a little more accurate…Hailey has a tooth that will move ever so slightly if I take my finger and whack at it a little bit. Regardless, she believes that she has a loose tooth. In fact, she told Grandma, “I’ve just waited my whole life for a loose tooth.”

She runs around telling everyone about her tooth, but what do people do when a little blond girl says that she has a loose tooth? They ask her which tooth and can they see it? This presents a slight problem because she doesn’t actually know which tooth is loose without me testing them all and declaring which one is loose. I can’t even tell you off hand which one it is.

So, this has provided us with constant entertainment over the last few days. I guess that at some point it will be loose, and then fall out. I’ll probably have some type of emotional breakdown when that happens. I suppose that I’ll just enjoy the entertainment in the meantime.

Can I put my Mommy bragging hat on for one second? Ok. Don’t mind if I do. Hailey and Sophia have awesome vocabularies. It’s true. Hailey comes out with some SAT words every once and a while; when she uses them right, I can almost see the scholarship money coming right off of her college savings bottom line.

Now, here’s the big but…that’s but, not butt. Don’t get confused. But…Hailey has no sense of time. She uses lengths of time and words associated with time in completely inappropriate ways constantly. It’s hysterical. She often says things like…

Everyday on Tuesdays at school we go to gym somedays.

I am so tired because I was outside for 20 hours today.

Sometimes everyday my friends don’t wear their coats outside.

Huh? It can be hard sometimes to even understand what she’s trying to say because she gets the words all garbled up. She can’t tell time yet either, but she can read (kinda). She’s actually getting pretty good with the reading. The writing is ok, but the spelling is atrocious. Eh. It’s only kindergarten.

What is with all of these babies? Everyone that I know is either pregnant or just had a baby. There are three (yes, three) people pregnant in my company, and we only have about 40 employees. Plus, my step sister just had a beautiful baby girl in France. A friend of mine had a baby last month, and my roommate from college is due in a few days. Babies, babies, babies.

So now you are wondering if I’m getting the baby fever? Is my biological clock tick, tick, ticking? Am I getting the baby itch? NOPE!

Ok, maybe a super tiny bit. Wait. Did I just write that? Crap. Don’t read that part. Because now you all are going to be asking me when we are going for number 3, and the honest answer is that we’re not. I think there’s just always a piece of me that wonders what another baby would be like. I mean look at the first two!!! Could they be any more different? Would the third one have red hair? Be a boy? Be like Fifi or like Hailey? Who knows. We’ll likely never know, and I’m really ok with that.

I don’t know if you know this, but having a baby is a huge pain in the ass. Yeah, it’s true. I would have to carry that thing around in my belly for 9 whole months plus probably a few extra weeks because my kids have tardiness issues. Then, you have to go through that messy process of having the kid, and let’s not go into much detail on that nastiness. Oh, then there’s the sleepless nights and the constant feedings which comes complete with a whole lot of pain and suffering for Mommy. Tack onto all of that another 18 years of worry, whining and wickedness. It’s a wonder any of us do this at all. There. Talked myself right out of that tiny inkling. I feel better now.

I wouldn’t trade this time with the girls when they are little for anything. They are so adorable, snuggly, and funny at their respective ages. Are you waiting for the “but”? Here it comes…

BUT, I’m also enjoying sitting and reading a book, which is something that I very rarely get to do when Sophia’s around. It’s not that she tells me that I can’t read books (although I’m sure that she would if she had thought of it). It’s just that she still needs a lot of attention, which means that it’s hard to get anything done around the house when she’s around. Which means that all of those house chores have to wait until she goes to bed. Which means that I’m so burned out by the time I’m done with all of the house chores that I just collapse onto the couch completely spent from my day.

Well, maybe it’s not all her fault. Maybe it’s just that I work a full time job which I’ve been on vacation from for 4 days. So, I have a burst of energy on my one day back.

Anyway, I’d like to say that I am actually enjoying the Steve Jobs biography much more than I thought I would. I’m not into biographies much, nor am I particularly into Steve Jobs. We all know that I’ve even cursed him a few times on this blog (which in retrospect seems in poor taste). Regardless, the book is really interesting. He was a strange and complex character with a really amazing story. So, I’m on page 267 or 567 pages. I wonder if I can finish before Sophia gets back since I’m blaming her for my general lack of reading time.

She seems to be having an amazing time at the beach being completely spoiled by Grandma and Papa Harry. I can’t even imagine how demanding she’s going to be when she gets back. Grandma likes to brag that she hasn’t even been in time out once. Uh huh. I want to say, “then you’re doing it wrong.” Clearly there will be much work to be done when she gets back so I suppose I better go and finish that book soon.

My little munchkin is off on a great adventure this week. Grandma and Papa Harry have taken my little Sophia to Florida with them for the whole week. They left last Friday and won’t return until this Friday, and I have to say that it’s very strange without Sophia here. I come home from the grocery store, and there’s no one with a big, happy smile welcoming me. Also, it’s quiet…really, really quiet.

So, I’ll try to get back into the groove of writing more often. There’s lots to do today, but then I think we’ll be back into the normal routine of life. Then, Sophia will come home and the whole thing will be thrown off