Lessons in Motherhood

This is one of those entries that a clinical psychologist would have a field day with. They would probably tell me that I need to have some type of exorcism to rid myself of my pent up frustrations and angst. So, if you’re not in the mood to listen to me whine about my night last night, you might need to skip this one.

Still on board? Ok. Here goes. Sophia had a bit of a fever yesterday so Luke stayed home from work with her in the morning, and I took the afternoon/evening shift. Since he did not go to work during the day, he went in last night to catch up and avoid working over the weekend. That’s all fine and dandy, right?

Well, not when you have a toddler who is all wigged out on Tylenol or post-fever adrenaline or crack or something.

At 12:30am, she was screaming again. I rocked her for the third time last night and put her back down. Not 30 minutes later, she was up again. Ok. Now it’s 1am, and I’m in serious need of sleep because I am suffering from a cold too.

It’s at this point that I make a BOLD move. I took Hailey out of the girls room and put her in my bed. Thank goodness I did that because by the time I got back to Sophia she had worked herself up into such a fit that she threw up the milk she had just had to drink. Now, it’s 1:30am and I’m cleaning up puke for a baby whose eyes are glued OPEN. AHHHH!

After everything is cleaned up, I try rocking her, laying in bed with her, rubbing her back, putting her on the floor to play…ANYTHING to get some sleep at this point. Finally, I threw my hands up and let her cry herself to sleep. That was about 2:30am so don’t judge me, people.

Back in my bed, Hailey had commandeered the entire thing for herself. As soon as I lay down, I had feet in my rib cage. Ugh. Finally, I fall asleep around 3:00am.

Here’s where I lose it. At 6am, Luke’s mother f@#@’ing watch alarm goes off. Can I just rewind on the watch thing. Luke has been doing an AMAZING job at his lose weight competition and has been getting pretty serious about running. My step father recommended that he get a heart rate monitor to wear. Of course, Luke could not go get just a heart rate monitor, he had to go get the mother of all fitness, running, GPS, make you coffee, tie your sneakers for you watches. You know, so he can know where he is when he’s running around our 2 block neighborhood.

So, this watch does a lot of stuff and has a lot of buttons. Unfortunately, at 6am I am not in any mood to figure it out. Hailey, of course, woke up. I thought that I was going to seriously lose it, but I calmly took the watch down to flights of stairs, threw it under the mattress of the bed two floors below my bedroom, closed all the doors around it and hoped I never hear from it again. Then, I return to my bed and between Hailey begging for breakfast, the dog whining to go out, and the bursts of steam coming out of my ears, I started to dream about what would be the most fun way for me to smash that watch. Death by electric drill is what I decided on. More pain and suffering than drowning, running over with a car, or a trip out the window. Yeah. I need help.