Lessons in Motherhood

After my proud Mama post yesterday, I thought it was ironic that this is the conversation I had with Hailey in the car this morning.

Hailey: Mom, are you going to pick me up early today?

Me: Yes, because you have swimming class today.

Hailey: Awwww…not swimming class.

Me: Wait. I thought you liked swimming. You were the one that wanted to take swimming class again.

Hailey: I do kind of sometimes but not every day.

Me: Well you only take it two days a week. If you don’t like it, you can stop after this session.

Hailey: [verbal huff]

So much for my Olympic dreams!

Hailey started swim class yesterday. She was taking the Eel class at the YMCA, but now she’s up to the Ray class. Her teacher this time is a real swim coach. Today, he taught the kids how to backstroke. This is how she did…

backstroke from luke hamilton on Vimeo.

So, I’m watching her swim (2 full lengths of the pool), and I’m thinking that she’s looking pretty darn good for a beginner. After the class, I went to talk to the teacher. Sure enough, he said “she really needs to practice that backstroke because her stroke is so good that she’d be ready for swim team right now if she had a little more endurance.” See…she’s a natural!

But she might have to stick to backstroke because this is how she “dives.”

diving from luke hamilton on Vimeo.

Since we don’t have the pictures quite ready yet, I’m going to try to temporarily placate you with this quiz inspired by our return from vacation.

Rank order the members of the Hamilton family based on their ability to adapt to normalcy today. They need to be ordered from best at transition to worst at transition.

Don’t forget, there’s actually 5 members of the family (you have to include Josie).

Good luck.

Have you been missing me? I’ve been missing you…kinda. Actually, we’re having such a wonderful time in Florida. Every day is filled with some combination of beach time, pool time, good food time, and iPad time. Yes. You heard that right. We have three children here and three iPads. That basically means that on the rare occasion that they are in the house, you can find all three of them lined up playing on the iPads.

Before you think that we are the worst parents ever, we spend about 10 hours outside every day. Then, when the kids are ready to pass out, we let them sit around and do this.

Oh, and on the worst mother in the world theme, it turns out that Hailey’s school is really persistent about unexcused absences. I get a call every day from the school telling me that she hasn’t been to school. So, we’ll have a fabulous day at the beach, then come back to the house and I’ll get a shot of guilt from that phone call. I find that guilt is best served with a nice cold margarita.

Oh, in other news, my next favorite part of the vacation is that the house has cable. Yeah…you heard me. We’ve had no cable since we moved in April. So, last night I stayed up until 2:00am watching Food network. It was Restaurant Impossible. I didn’t even know that show existed. I am so out of the loop.

Ok. Time to get the kids off the iPads and out to the beach.

I had a fabulous first day of vacation today until I came in from the pool to take a shower. Then, I had a little accident whereby I dislocated my shoulder. I can hear you gasping now. Let me assure you that I did my fair share of gasping but not swearing because the girl were simultaneously taking a bath right next to me. I very calmly told Hailey to get out to go get Daddy. So, she climbed out of the bath and ran her naked little butt upstairs to get Luke. Except that she came back alone. WTF?!!??!? I sent her again. Clearly, we need a secret code word. Like…go tell Daddy “superfluous” or something. What??? Who says that you can’t teach good vocabulary in the middle of a family crisis????

Anyway, Daddy was busy cooking dinner (I knew there was a reason that I married him). He came though. So, I told him (very calmly…of course). Take the girls upstairs, get me a shot of any type of liquor, 2 motrin, and let’s set this thing ourselves. Of course, by the time he got back, I had fixed it myself Lethal Weapon style. Not really by slamming myself against, but whatever that makes for a better story.

So, now I’m just totally annoyed at myself. If I was a curser, I would be f-ing cursing up an f-ing storm. It’s the FIRST DAY!!!! Who dislocates their shoulder on the first day? Who dislocates their shoulder at all???? So double f-ing annoyed.

I guess that I have a choice at this point. I could suck it up, toss back that shot he brought me and get on with the vacation as if nothing happened. Or I could send Luke 50 miles off the island to get me a sling and mope about it for the next 6 days. Tough choice.

PS: PLeas forgve the spellng errors but i chosee the shot

Well, we are down in Florida at St. George Island. We drove down yesterday. Before you think that I am the worst Mom ever, I will just say that I am the worst Mom ever. I am taking my child out of school on the second week of Kindergaten. I know, it’s horrible. HORRIBLE. But here’s the thing…she is having an awesome time down here. We actually booked this house early last year when she was going to a different school. I’m not sure that makes it less horrible, but whatever. It’s lots of fun here. I promise to post some pictures.

Well, we installed the brand new playset in the backyard Friday. Let me be more accurate…some guy that we don’t know came to build and install the playset today.

We have some backyard issues. Actually, we have a GIGANTIC backyard. We have over an acre total, but it’s not level…not at all. In fact, the guy who came to install the play set said, “you don’t have one inch of level ground in this whole yard.” Yup. I knew that was coming. I pretended that it was flat so that I could convince myself that we could get it. I know, quite a change from my normal pessimistic self.

So, we get this thing installed for us, and I am over the moon excited about it. I took a video of the girls seeing the play set for the first time. I know that you want to see that video, but I don’t have it here in Florida (more on that later).

Anyway, I think that there is a bit of a learning curve on this playset because within about 20 minutes we had a total of 4 injuries – swing flying fall (Fifi), head whacking on wooden bar (Hailey), hit with swing (Fifi), swing hit into post (Hailey). So, I think that this thing is going to take a little getting used to. I mean what could happen? A broken arm? Eh…these things heal, right?

Do you know what it’s like to go through an entire day with “Baby Baby Oh” in your head?

No. You don’t. And I wouldn’t wish it upon you. Well actually, I considered putting the video in this post and making it auto play when you got to the site. I might have done that if I knew how. You can thank me anyway.

I just finished reading a book that I borrowed from a co-worker of mine called The Checklist Manifesto.  Did I mention that I work with nerds?  Complete nerds.  The type of nerds who buy books called The Checklist Manifesto and then read them for fun.  

Anyway, so I read this book about checklists and how our lives have become so complicated that if we just let checklists help us with the easy stuff, then we’d have more time to occupy our brains with the difficult stuff.

Enter my major fail for the day – I forgot to pack Hailey’s snack today.  What?!?!?  It’s only the second day.  How could I forget such a basic kindergarten necessity?!!?? 

I can’t answer that question, and trust me when I tell you that I worried about that all day.  I mean how would she ever survive school without a snack?  Wouldn’t she get hungry and then not be able to concentrate.  What if she can never do fractions because she’s so hungry that she can’t focus enough to learn whether you flip the numerator and demoninator when you multiply fractions or divide them???  Wait…they don’t teach fractions in kindergarten?  Oh.  Well.  I’m just using that as an example and not because I may or may not have been absent during fraction week.  What?  I had strep throat a lot as a kid.  I’m sure I had a doctor’s note.

Anyway, enter my brilliant plan.  I will make a pre-flight checklist for the family.  Then, I will ask Hailey to read it every day before we leave the house.  One minor flaw with this plan is…ummm…well…Hailey can’t read.  Eh…minor obstacle.  I’ll just read it with her a few times, then she’ll memorize it.  By the time she’s a teenager, she’ll be thanking me for making her valedictorian.  This is the power of the checklist…maybe.

And PS, after I went through all the trouble to make this checklist, she didn’t even realize that I didn’t pack her a snack. She just ate something out of her lunch. As a bonus, she complained that I pack her the same thing for lunch EVERY DAY, which for your information, was only two days. And, it wasn’t the same both days because I also did a lot of research on different lunch combinations at the start of the school year (i.e. 2 days ago). So, I am very well versed on the lunch packing phenomena, and I would not be packing her the exact same lunch. Sorry. Just got a little defensive there.

I’m including a picture of the checklist so that you can be jealous. I am NOT including a link to the book because I’ve got to be the only one crazy enough to read it (except the other nerds at work).

Well, she made it through the day. I carried my phone with me all day waiting for the school nurse to call. She never did. So, I guess Hailey has escaped the Hailey Pukey Face nickname…for now.

We wanted to video Hailey talking about her first day, which we discussed over dinner. Unfortunately, what we ended up with was about 20 minutes of us peppering her with questions and her responses range from “I don’t remember” to “I don’t know.” It’s like talking to a freaking teenager already. Throw me a bone, kiddo.

I’ll spare you the hours of film and just fill you in on the one or two tiny tidbits that we got. Here’s what we know:

1. She gets a report every day that is either green, yellow, blue or red. Green is she’s been good. I honestly don’t think that I’ll ever see anything but green so I won’t even go through the other colors.
2. They made up some rules as a class. Hailey contributed “no punching.” She didn’t remember any of the rest of the rules, but I bet you anything that she’ll be spouting them off to her classmates in no time.
3. They sit in a room for at least part of after school care. I think that’s when they are supposed to be doing homework, but she doesn’t have any yet so I don’t know what that’s about.
4. She doesn’t remember anyone’s name…not even the people at her table.
5. She loves her art teacher. Meeting her again was Hailey’s favorite part of the day.
6. All of the kids in her class were very excited to be there.  No one cried.  (Yes, I asked)
7. Her teacher is “nice.”
8. They get cookies or a prize when they get 3 green squares in a week. See number 1.