Lessons in Motherhood

This is the first week of kindergarten homework, and I am just not ready. Well, I’m ready, but it’s really unfortunate timing for Hailey. She happens to really love stripes right now. Yes. You read that right. She loves stripes.

I know that you are wondering what stripes and homework have in common. Well, I’ll tell you. Homework is supposed to take 15 minutes or less every night. Homework involves coloring. Everything that Hailey colors must have stripes. Stripes take a long freaking time to color. Do you see the connection now? You see my dilemma?

I tried to sort of sit there while she did her homework, but the whole time I was screaming inside… “SNAKES DON’T HAVE PINK AND PURPLE STRIPES…JUST COLOR THE SNAKE ONE COLOR…IT’S FASTER!!!” But did I say that…NO! Just because I am not inherently a patient person, it does not mean that I cannot pretend to be patient. And isn’t that really the most important lesson…fake it until you make it.

There are many ways in which I am very well equipped to be a parent – outstanding baking skills, some semblance of patience, ability to handle child nasties (poop, vomit, etc), eyes in the back of my head, etc. You know, I’ve got the basics.

Yet, there is one way that I am completely ill-equipped – I have sensitive hearing. OMG…when my girls scream in that high pitched voice, it makes me want to lock myself in the back of my closet and just rock myself back to sanity. Really! I can’t take it. It hurts my ears and makes the inside of my brain explode. I’m losing brain cells here, people.

Are they too young to lock in the basement? What about outside? We have a playroom. Why must they run around screaming in the same room as me? I’m just totally not equipped for this motherhood thing sometimes.

When a dance party will break out at the frozen yogurt shop

Yogurt Dance Party from luke hamilton on Vimeo.

It’s been a busy few days here at the Hamilton household. Today was curriculum night at school where Hailey’s teacher told us all about what she does every day. Wow! Her teacher has got this thing down. She has about a billion different activities that they do every day. She’s one super-creative lady.

I’ve also had the joy of being a Lunch Buddy at school. What is a Lunch Buddy? It’s the job that the school created to make parents feel insanely guilty about how mean we were to the lunch ladies when we were in school. If only I could find those nice hair-netted women, I would apologize for all of the food that wound up on the floor. It was a news flash – KIDS ARE GROSS! I know, quite a shocker. Also, they throw a lot of food away. Oh, and Miss Hailey Hamilton actually ate her dessert before her meal. What five-year-old would do that?

Anyway, I thought that I would show you what she’s learning with this little video…

Calendar Song from luke hamilton on Vimeo.

Before you call Child Protective Services, let me remind you that I did not put her in the dryer. I heard her yelling in there, and then I ran in to video it. Luke, being the more reasonable parent at the time thought that I was being terrible for encouraging such behavior. However, you can tell from the video that I ask her multiple times to get out. That being said, if I had really wanted her to get out, she damn well would have gotten out immediately. But this was so much more entertaining. Don’t you agree?

Dryer from luke hamilton on Vimeo.

PS: I leave the dryer closed these days just so we don’t have any future episodes.

If Peter Pan were a polygamist and his real name was Cathy Rigby performing in the British stage version of the famous story, I can guarantee you that he would have two wives. Their names would be Hailey and Sophia. How do I know that? Because my children are obsessed with this

How did this happen? Well, it all started with the evil magic of Netflix. Oh Netflix. You put everything at our fingertips. Some good. Some not so good. I’m not sure how the stage version of Peter Pan made it into the house. I think Luke must have found it deep in the depths of the musical section of Netflix. Hailey was so thrilled the first time she watched it that she said “Look, they’re real people.” I guess maybe we overdo it on the cartoons a bit.

Anyway, the girls are now obsessed with watching Cathy Rigby play Peter Pan. Sophia knows how to turn on my phone, scroll to Netflix and find Peter Pan. Tonight I actually offered to take them for ice cream if they turned off the play. Nope. It was unanimous. Peter won…again.

All of the credit for these gorgeous pictures goes to my patient husband who took the time to recolor and retouch them. I think they’re absolutely beautiful. In fact, I couldn’t decide which ones to post, so you can see them all here.

For entertainment value…

Hailey is doing swimmingly in school. She’s also doing schoolingly at swim. Hmm…that worked better in my head. Anyway, she’s been really enjoying kindergarten so far. I wish that I could record all of the stories that she tells. Trying to understand what goes on at school is like trying to piece together a jigsaw puzzle where three-quarters of the pieces are missing and the box top is missing.

Here’s a good example:

Me: Hailey, what was your favorite part about school today?

Hailey: Drawing

Me: Oh, what did you draw?

Hailey: I didn’t draw I just colored because the teacher drew this little animal with big black spots on his eyes and he was sad but then he was happy. I didn’t draw him, I just colored.

Me: Ok. Was the animal a bunny or a dog or a raccoon?

Hailey: Oh yeah. It was a raccoon.

Me: What else can you tell me about the raccoon?

Hailey: Well, he was really funny, but then there was a boy and he was the king. He even had a thing on his chair because he was the king and also a girl was the queen.

Me: What were they the king and queen of?

Hailey: The class. Maybe someday I will be the queen.

Huh??? I mean really. That is a little bit of a combination of stories that I have heard, but I gave you no more or less information than what I have been able to dig out of her. Sometimes at the end of the week when they send her work home, I start to piece the story together together.

For example, the raccoon was part of a story about a raccoon going to school for the first time. The king and queen thing was some exercise that they did to have the kids get to know each other. They each got to be the king or queen for one day and would tell the class about him or herself. Then the classmates would each draw a picture of the chosen one as he/she specified. I know this because Hailey came home with a big folder of drawings and a crown. Mystery solved.

After my proud Mama post yesterday, I thought it was ironic that this is the conversation I had with Hailey in the car this morning.

Hailey: Mom, are you going to pick me up early today?

Me: Yes, because you have swimming class today.

Hailey: Awwww…not swimming class.

Me: Wait. I thought you liked swimming. You were the one that wanted to take swimming class again.

Hailey: I do kind of sometimes but not every day.

Me: Well you only take it two days a week. If you don’t like it, you can stop after this session.

Hailey: [verbal huff]

So much for my Olympic dreams!

Hailey started swim class yesterday. She was taking the Eel class at the YMCA, but now she’s up to the Ray class. Her teacher this time is a real swim coach. Today, he taught the kids how to backstroke. This is how she did…

backstroke from luke hamilton on Vimeo.

So, I’m watching her swim (2 full lengths of the pool), and I’m thinking that she’s looking pretty darn good for a beginner. After the class, I went to talk to the teacher. Sure enough, he said “she really needs to practice that backstroke because her stroke is so good that she’d be ready for swim team right now if she had a little more endurance.” See…she’s a natural!

But she might have to stick to backstroke because this is how she “dives.”

diving from luke hamilton on Vimeo.